Everybody has their own rhythm. They have a rhythm for talking, working, creating, communicating or whatever. The key is to find and follow your rhythm. When working with other people, however, it is good to find a way of co-operating that creates a ‘win-win’ rhythm. Sometimes you encounter situations where people’s rhythms collide, however, and this can create difficulties.

Two months ago I met a leadership team that had this problem. “Four of my directors are positive,” said the leader. “They listen, respect each other’s view and work for the common good. But one director is painful. He interrupts people, keeps saying ‘Yes, but,’ and spreads his negativity. I have tried everything – such as coaching, coaxing and empathising. Have you any suggestions?” The other directors wanted to guide the company to success – but the difficult person inflicted his rhythm on the team. Later we will see how the matter was resolved. Before then, let’s explore how you can follow your rhythm and, when appropriate, deal with difficult situations.

1) You can find and follow your own rhythm.

You will have different rhythms for different activities – such as talking, moving, cooking, eating, gardening, writing, working, reflecting or whatever. So start by selecting a specific activity where you want to find and follow your preferred rhythm.

“I chose to focus on my working week,” said one person. “At the time I felt disjointed. It seemed like I was fitting into other people’s patterns, rather than my own. Certainly some give-and-take is necessary when you work for a company. After all, the business won’t change to fit your rules, but things felt out of sync. So I sat down and planned the best way to follow my natural rhythm during the working week.”

“My first step was to identify when and where I worked best. My most productive times in the office are in the morning – between 7.30 and 11.30. So I organised my diary to, as far as possible, be in charge of my own agenda during those times. My most creative work is done in a quiet place away from interruptions. So I found a quiet corner to work on my laptop away from the open plan office. Interestingly, I felt quite energetic working in the office on Monday and Tuesday, but then wanted to be on the road, visiting clients. So that is how I arranged my diary. Meeting customers on Wednesday and Thursday, with Friday spent working from home.”

“Meeting remain a challenge, and I prefer those where I know the agenda. So I did two things. First, I emailed my boss the day before our sessions to outline what I wanted to discuss. I did this diplomatically, of course, underlining we would be following his agenda. Second, when asked to attend other internal meetings, I requested the agenda before accepting the request. Taking these steps has helped me to be much more productive. I now feel more in sync with my preferred working pattern.”

Let’s return to your rhythm. Try tackling the exercise on this theme. First, choose a specific activity where you want to follow your preferred pattern. Be as precise as possible. Second, describe your chosen rhythm when performing this activity. Third, describe how you can follow this rhythm. Try completing the following sentences.

The specific activity where I want to follow my rhythm is:

*

The preferred rhythm I have when doing this activity is:

*

*

*

The specific things I can do to follow
this rhythm when doing this activity are:

*

*

*

2) You can recognise other people’s rhythm.

You will feel comfortable with kindred spirits. These are people who share similar values and either: a) Have a similar rhythm to yourself, or: b) Have respect for your rhythm. Encouraging each other, you accept the different styles and work to achieve success. The difficulty comes with somebody who has a rhythm that is alien to yours and they try to impose it on others. As mentioned earlier, a person’s rhythm can be expressed in many ways – how they breathe, act, talk, communicate or whatever. You will quickly get a feeling about whether or not you are comfortable with the other person’s rhythm.

Bearing this in mind, try tackling the following exercise. First, list the people whose rhythm you feel comfortable with. Describe the reasons why you feel comfortable with them. Second, list the people whose rhythm you find difficult. Describe the reasons why you feel uncomfortable.

The people whose rhythm I feel comfortable with are:

*

*

*

The reasons why I feel comfortable with their rhythm are:

*

*

*

The people whose rhythm I feel difficult with are:

*

*

*

The reasons I why I find their rhythm difficult are:

*

*

*

3) You can work out ‘win-win’ rhythms with other people.

So how can you pursue a fulfilling rhythm with other people? Sometimes you will be able to follow your own style - and this will be perfectly okay with the others involved. This is often the secret of long-term relationships. People encourage each other and appreciate the differences. They pursue individual adventures – yet also share enough common ground to enjoy mutual adventures. Sometimes you will also encounter professional situations where you want to create a ‘win-win’ rhythm. Providing people have mutual respect – and the prize is tempting enough – it is often possible to find positive solutions. Sometimes, however, there may be situations where the differences are too great. You may then move-on to find a relationship which is more mutually beneficial. Looking at this final theme, let’s return to the leadership team highlighted at the beginning. How did the matter get resolved?

“We urged the director to change his style – but the difficulty was his mind-set,” explained the leader. “His approach was to immediately point-out problems and argue over semantics. During meetings he spoke loudly and bullied other people. Eventually I asked him to leave. The process was tough – and he threatened to drag us through the courts – but his style was too difficult. It was like climbing a mountain with one climber tugging at the rope that held us together. The team are now working well together – climbing the mountain rather than crashing to the ground.”

So where can you find ‘win-wins’ or maybe even move-on? Try tackling the exercise on this theme. First, describe a specific situation where you want to find a ‘win-win’ rhythm with a person or group of people. Second, describe a difficult situation where you may need to find another resolution. Taking each situation in turn, describe the steps you can take to achieve the desired results. Try completing the following sentences.

The specific situation where I want to work out a
‘win-win’ rhythm with another person – or people - is:

*

The specific things I can do to make this happen are:

*

*

*

The specific situation where our rhythms are too
different – and it probably won’t work out - is:

*

The specific things I can do to resolve this situation are:

*

*

*

Different people have different rhythms. Sometimes it works to follow your own tempo; sometimes to co-operate with another person’s approach. The key is to be aware of your own and other people’s styles that help you to succeed. You can then pursue a creative path in life – both by yourself and with other people.