“My career seems to be successful, but something strange is happening,” said one person. “The higher I climb the corporate ladder, the less control I seem to have. Previously I spent my time with customers, shaped teams and got great satisfaction from hitting targets. The closer I get to the ‘centre’, however, the less control I seem to have over my diary. My days consist of answering emails, sitting in meetings and fulfilling other people’s agendas.”

This is a challenge facing many people in organisations. They work hard to be successful – but suddenly find they no longer feel in control. Imagine you are in such a situation. Let’s explore three things you can do to shape your future.

1) You can take charge of your feelings.

This involves doing three things. First, you can accept that your feelings are authentic. Second, decide on the feelings you want in the future. Third, do your best to generate those feelings. Let’s consider each of these stages.

First, accept that your feelings are authentic. What does this mean? When running communities for troubled teenagers, for example, we gave them the message: “Whatever you feel is real - even though to others it may appear illogical. Accept the feeling - but then move-on to how you can change it in the future.” Why adopt this approach? Consider somebody who has been abused and now feels guilty. The abuser often imprisons the victim by inferring that nobody will believe their story. Helping an abused person to recognise that their feelings are real can be the first step to recovery. One abused young person said: “Previously I felt crazy, but nobody would believe me. Talking with others who had suffered abuse showed I was not alone. Suddenly I felt liberated.” Whatever your situation, accept your feelings - then move onto the next stage.

Second, decide what feelings you want in the future. Is that possible? The approach we used with the young people was: “You know that doing certain things will produce certain feelings. Everybody knows exactly how to make themselves feel bad. They can refuse to take responsibility, drink too much or spend time with negative people. They also know what is more likely to make them feel good. They can take responsibility, be kind, get healthy or spend time with positive people. People choose their behaviour - the things they do - and in this way choose their feelings.” Decide what feelings you want in the future, then move onto the next step.

Third, make an action plan for increasing the likelihood of generating those feelings. People are creatures of habit – so develop your daily disciplines. Do something early in the day to get a quick success. Spend time with encouragers, rather than stoppers. Follow your disciplines and generate the feelings you want. Bearing in mind the ideas mentioned in this section, try completing the following sentence.

The things I can do to take charge of my feelings are:

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2) You can take charge of your finances.

People who get divorced – or those who suffer redundancy –quickly aim to take control of their finances because they want money to shape their futures. Others take a similar step without suffering a crisis. One person said. “My income kept increasing, but so did my outgoings. The garage was full of unwanted items and we had lost track of our expenditure - so we did a financial reality check. The result was shocking. Bank statements showed a monthly direct debit for unnecessary personal insurance and there were many other opportunities for saving. Starting again from scratch, we stuck to buying what we needed - rather than what we wanted - and revolutionised our finances within a year. Feeling in charge of our money enabled us to feel more in charge of our lives.” Bearing in mind the ideas mentioned in this section, try completing the following sentence.

The things I can do to take charge of my finances are:

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3) You can take charge of your future.

Take charge of your short, medium and long-term future. “The key step was to re-take control of my diary,” said one manager. “Even though I scheduled free time between meetings, my PA filled these with one-to-ones. We now have a planning session where I give clear messages about how I want to spend the next month.” Time is life. So, as far as possible, decide how you want to spend your days. Looking longer-term, clarify your picture of success. Imagine you are 80-years-old. Describe the things you will have done that for you will mean you have had a successful life. Bearing in mind your life-goals, do something each day towards achieving the picture.

People like to feel in control. Laurens van der Post, the author, describes when, as a prisoner of war, he was told he would be executed the next morning. Deciding he had nothing to lose, he asked to be shot, rather than beheaded. The camp commander agreed. Laurence says that, quite irrationally, he felt a sudden rush of freedom. The sentence was never carried out - but he remembers that feeling of being in charge. Different people have different ways of reclaiming their lives. The abused person reclaims their feelings - knowing they were right all the time. The bored manager reclaims fulfilment by returning to their first love - visiting customers. The newly-divorced person reclaims joy by living their life without asking for ‘permission’. Bearing in mind the ideas mentioned in this section, try completing the following sentence.

The things I can do to take charge of my future are:

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