Clear communication plays a key role in creating healthy cultures. Virginia Satir, a pioneering family therapist, found that the quality of the communication directly affected the quality of life in families, organisations and societies. She identified that people may gave each other three different kinds of messages. These were ‘clear messages’, ‘conflicting messages’ and ‘confusing messages’. Each type of message had consequences. Let’s explore how you can recognise when people communicate in these different ways.

1) Clear messages.

Good communicators give crystal-clear messages and people know where they stand. A leader or an organisation may say, for example:

“People are expected to take responsibility and perform good work. Those who do so will find there are positive consequences. Those who don’t will find there are negative consequences.”

Clear messages can be either encouraging or tough – but people know the ‘rules of the game’. Twenty years ago I worked as the youth development officer for a football club. Everybody in the club was aware of ‘the way we do things around here’. The Dos were: Do be positive; do encourage your team mates; do try your best; do be on time for training; do be respectful to referees; do keep yourself fit and healthy; do strive to keep improving. The Don’ts were: Don’t be negative; don’t be late; don’t argue with referees; don’t do things that harm your fitness or health. The players appreciated the framework and felt able to express themselves within the guidelines. Any player who transgressed – such as arguing with referees – was immediately dropped.

Clear messages are acted upon in both words and actions. Johnson & Johnson, for example, had a written credo that said its first duty was to the patients who bought its products. When Tylenol, one of its medicines, was injected with cyanide by a blackmailer, J & J immediately withdrew every batch from the shelves. The company followed its credo in times of adversity and acted decisively. There was no messing around.

Clear messages play a key part in building healthy relationships. People then operate from a level of ‘certainty’. They understand that if somebody says they will do something, for example, that deed will actually get done. People may or may not always agree with the message – but at least they know the consequences. Let’s move onto a different kind of communication.

2) Conflicting messages.

Sick cultures often involve lots of conflicting messages. A person, an organisation or a society may say, for example:

“People are expected to take responsibility and perform good work. Those who do so will not necessarily be rewarded. Those who don’t take responsibility will find there is no negative reaction and they may in fact be rewarded.”

Conflicting messages lead to confusion, pain and anger. Here are some examples.

* A newly installed government says it aims to be ethical. Soon after coming into office, however, one of the key ministers – or staff members - behaves unethically. The government allows the person to remain in their role.

* An engineering company says it believes in total quality control. One of the engineers ‘blows the whistle’ on a key problem that could endanger the lives of customers. The company chooses to ‘walk past the quality problem’, punishes the whistle-blower and presses on with production.

* A parent urges their 20 year old drug addict son to take responsibility for their life. At the same time, however, the parent continues to supply them with money which the son spends on drugs.

Let’s move onto another kind of communication.

3) Confusing messages.

Poor communicators often give confusing messages. A person, an organisation or a society may say, for example:

“People are asked to take responsibility and perform good work. We are not quite sure what this looks like in action – nor can we outline what will be the consequences. If people do not perform good work, we will try to explore the reasons why this is so.”

People do not know where they stand and spend time trying to untangle what has been said. Here are some examples of this kind of communication.

* A government says: “We are totally committed to reducing carbon emissions. What people must understand, however, is that this is a complicated process. We must begin by getting consensus on the procedure for making it happen. There is no point in acting on our own, so we are embarking on a process of research and consultation that will, hopefully, lead to voluntary agreements. As a government, however, we are committed to reducing carbon emissions.”

* A company says: “We want to encourage people to work well in teams. When grading people at the end of each year, however, we will only look at their individual contributions – not how they have helped others in the team to succeed. We will also force leaders to ‘distribute’ their team members along a ‘bell-curve’. There must be 20% top performers, 60% average performers and 20% poor performers. We know this is not actually the case in super teams, but we will still ask leaders to distribute people along the curve. At the same time, we believe in teamwork.”

Confusing messages force people: a) to spend time trying to understand what has been said; b) to then act on these guidelines and keep checking to see whether the situation have changed. It’s much simpler to give and receive clear messages.

Let’s explore an exercise on this theme. First, describe a specific situation in your life or work where you want to give a clear message. Then describe the clear message you want to give to people. Try to be as specific as possible. If appropriate, write the actual words you want to use. Second, describe the potential pluses and minuses of communicating in this way. Third, describe your action plan for giving the clear message.

The specific situation in which I want to give a clear message is:

*

The specific clear message I want to give is:

*

The potential pluses of giving this clear message are:

*

The potential minuses of giving this clear message are:

*

The specific things I can do to give this clear message are:

*

*

*

Clear communication can take time, energy and, in some cases, courage. Poor communication takes its own toll. It often results in confusion, pain and worry. Giving clear messages is one of the keys to creating a healthy family, team or society.

Bookmark It