The idea of ‘scripting’ became popular in the 1960s. Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, explained that individuals often adopt the roles of ‘parent’, ‘adult’ or ‘child’ in certain situations. They also follow ‘life-scripts’ which act like an internal programme. Sometimes these scripts are healthy; sometime they are unhealthy. For example, a person may have two conflicting messages inside their head. One message says: “You must keep working hard,” while the other message says: “But you will always fail.” Different people obviously follow different scripts in different situations. The good news is that people can re-write their scripts and, hence, their internal programmes. Let’s explore one way that people can change their scripts.

1) You can understand positive and negative scripts.

During the 70s I attended a workshop where the leader provided an excellent exercise for learning about one’s scripts. Certainly it does not explain every aspect of behaviour, but it does provide a good starter. Here is the exercise that gives clues to our scripting.

Start by making a list of the significant people you met early in life – such as your mother, father and key teachers. Looking at each person, write the main overall ‘positive message’ they gave you. They may not have actually ‘said it’, but the way they behaved towards you conveyed this message. Looking at each person, also describe any overall negative message they gave you. They may, of course, have given only positive or negative messages. Many people, however, receive both sets of messages during their lives. For example, one person on the workshop said:

“I got only encouraging messages from my father. He kept communicating: ‘You are special.’ My mother, however, conveyed slightly mixed messages. These were: ‘You can do anything – but never leave me.’”

Other people on the workshop had different experiences. One person said: “The messages I can remember were: ‘Keep working hard, but you will never be as good as your sister.’” Another person said: “My parents went through an acrimonious divorce, but my sports teacher encouraged me. His message was: ‘You can live your own life and be successful’. He did not give any negative messages.”

This is a difficult exercise, but it can provide some interesting insights. If you wish, start with your mother and father. Describe the main positive and negative messages they gave you. Again, they may not have actually said the words – but the way they behaved conveyed these messages. Try completing the following sentences.

My Mother

 

The main positive message she gave me was:

*

The main negative message she gave me was:

*

My Father

 

The main positive message he gave me was:

*

The main negative message he gave me was:

*

2) You can write your own positive scripts.

“Providing you can identify the key messages, it is possible to re-write your scripts,” explained the workshop leader. “This is a starter and provides a new ‘programme’ to follow. You may need to keep reminding yourself, however, because it is easy to revert to old behaviour.”

“Let’s focus on how you can write your own scripts,” he continued. “Begin with the messages given by your mother and father – or other key people. Let’s assume that, like many parents, they had good intentions. They wanted to help you, but sometimes may have given confusing messages. You are now adults, however, so you can write your own scripting.

“Let’s consider the example given by one person here on the workshop. The messages from their mother were: ‘You can do anything – but never leave me’. They can retain the positive message, but reverse the second part by re-writing their script as: ‘You can do anything – and it is okay to leave me.’ Their mother may or may not have wanted to give the latter message. But it is a way of taking charge of writing one’s own scripting. Let’s look at another example. Another person in the group was told: ‘Keep working hard – but you will never be as good as your sister.’ They can re-write this as: ‘Keep working hard – and it’s okay to be yourself.’”

This is another challenging exercise, but worth tackling. You can have a go at writing the script you want to follow in the future. One approach is to incorporate the positive messages given by key people – plus turn around any negative messages. Another approach is to also write any positive messages you want to add to your own script. Try completing the following sentence.

My positive script

 

The positive messages I want to give myself in my life and work are:

*

*

*

3) You can keep following your positive script.

Then comes the hard part - translating the script into action. So let’s look at an example from sports. A talented tennis player had a pattern of reaching the final of tournaments, only to fall at the finishing line. Working with a sports psychologist, he focused on two areas.

First, he made a conscious decision to climb the rankings. Sound commonsense, but it meant choosing to pay the price. He took this decision by identifying: a) The pluses of climbing the rankings; b) The minuses of climbing the rankings. He realised that winning tournaments would make him a ‘marked man’. Opponents would try harder, which called for more work on his part – including foregoing the party circuit. The player chose to work harder, rather than just rely on pure talent.

Second, he changed his ‘scripting’. He felt gripped by fear when approaching the match point that would win him a tournament. So he rewrote his script to say: “Flow, rather than fear.” This became his ‘positive affirmation’. It would not work for everybody, but it did for him. Loosening up, he learned to play with freedom rather than fear.

Everybody has their own style of translating their scripts into action. If you wish, try completing the following sentence.

My action plan

 

The specific things I can do to translate my positive script into action are:

*

*

*

Scripting can provide clues to our behaviour. As the workshop leader said, however, there comes a time when, as adults, we can take responsibility for writing our own scripts. We can then translate these into positive behaviour.